Tourists Beware

Thankfully -knock on wood- I haven't been robbed...
Personally I hate tourists, even though I am one I try to blend in, which is easy because I'm Latina

BUT for those who aren't so lucky here are ways you may get robbed (as explained by my teachers, and friends that were robbed on more than one occasion, more than once a week)

1. People who you would normally assume to be suspicious probably won't wrong you- Watch out for small children, the disabled, the old, and the pregnant----they will most likely rob you, obviously not all but if they fall into the above category AND look slightly sketchy then YES

2. Don't be stupid and carry your camera in your front backpack pocket, or anything important in your backpack for that matter...while you're gazing at the beautiful tall buildings someone is unzipping your bag and taking your shit

3. If you see a $100 bill on the ground, it isn't your lucky day. While you're bending over to pick it up, someone is coming up from behind to snatch your purse/wallet and knocking you over....oh and taking the hundo...

4. If a parrot, pigeon, or any strange winged creature happens to land on your shoulder, you are not the bird whisperer. Right when you swing your arms up to shoo it away, you'll feel your purse pulled off your shoulder and by the time the feathers have cleared...you've been robbed

5. You're in a taxi, its a hundred degrees, got the windows down, smoking a cigarette, enjoying the only breeze of the day. Cab comes to a stop at a red light, guy drives by on a motorcycle reaches in the window and jacks your new suede handbag....sweet.

6. Aaah the subway...you get on, find a seat (for once), put your ipod on and just as the doors are about to close, some little fucker jumps on, grabs your shit and runs off just as the doors close and the subway takes off into the tunnel. WTF!?

As shitty as it may ruin your day, or your life, for the most part it's never violent. They take your shit and it some how ends up your own fault. Stupid gringo.

Sometimes though,

7. You go to the ATM, take out money, and then decide to wait outside of the bank 'cause its too damn hot inside, while your friend is taking money out. From nowhere a group of drunk teenagers approach you and say that they're gonna kill you if you don't give them all your money...just as you stagger back, your friend aka now you're new Argentine boyfriend/knight in shining armor runs out of the bank and saves the day...scaring the little shits off
-well let's just hope you're with an Argentine lover, this was obviously only one true story

or you may laugh about it later....or not

8. You're walking down the street, minding your business, when all of a sudden someone chucks dog shit at your face. You freak the fuck out, start screaming not knowing if you should wipe it off 'cause you don't want to touch it, so you're just blinding wandering, flailing, horrified....could it get any worse....YES...whoever just threw the shit at you, is now robbing you. HA!!!


SO what did we learn? Basically never bring your wallet, have a photocopy of your ID/passport, only bring as much cash as you need that day/hour whatever, and get a 'decoy' purse: a shitty purse you bought on the street so when/ if you do get robbed it's no big deal 'cause its a shitty purse with nothing in it.